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Erasure Kills: Why Acknowledging Trans Kids Matters

Nico
Trans flag behind text that reads, "Erasure Kills: Why Acknowledging Trans Kids Matters." On the right is the Ephemeral Record logo, URLS for the website and Patreon, and my name.

tl;dr: When trans kids tell you who they are, they deserve to be believed. Supporting trans youth means listening to them, respecting who they are, and ensuring that they have access to the support and health care they need.

I’m a historian and I also work for a 2SLGBTQIA+ archive. In the course of my work, I gather materials related to queer and trans life in Canada that I donate to the collections, because everything matters. Every poster, flyer, zine, bookmark, or button tells a story. These materials demonstrate how our community talks amongst ourselves, as well as how professional bodies talk about our bodies, our healthcare, and our rights.

The most important issue facing trans people right now is adequate access to healthcare

I attended a networking event about trans youth in Toronto last week, and the overwhelming majority of attendees were cis. It showed. During one presentation, bathrooms were identified as a key issue facing trans people — the one they heard the most about and therefore the issue that they were most focused on. This struck me as fundamentally misguided. 

Yes, bathrooms have become a political wedge issue. But they are not the greatest concern facing most trans people. Many trans people  are living in poverty (despite being, on average, more educated than the general population), have experienced or are at risk of homelessness, face increased vulnerability to health issues due to poverty, lack adequate physical and mental health supports, and fewer than half of trans people have access to gender-affirming healthcare. When you actually talk with trans people, these are the issues that come up most often.

Without access to gender-affirming care, trans people struggle to reconcile who they are with who they know themselves to be and how their bodies are perceived — both by themselves and by others. In addition to the physical and psychological torture of being unable to transition access much needed healthcare, constant misgendering and the denial of someone’s identity contributes to alienation, isolation, and poor mental health outcomes, including significantly increased rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. Study, after study, after study has shown this. Indeed, this resource goes through 51 studies — including studies that date back to the 1990s — demonstrating that trans healthcare improves the well-being of trans people.

Access to healthcare is especially important for trans youth, who experience even greater barriers than trans adults. I’m not going to go into every aspect of that issue here, or get into the many misconceptions surrounding puberty blockers and why trans kids deserve to experience the correct puberty at the same time as their peers. Instead, I want to focus on something more fundamental: the language we use when we talk about trans kids. Because I’ve noticed an uptick in euphemisms that attempt to avoid naming what trans kids are: transgender.

Two pamplets from Rainbow Health Ontario. One is titled "supporting your child's gender identity and expression" and the other is titled "advocating for your gender independent child."
Two Rainbow Health Ontario pamphlets.

Call trans kids what they are: transgender

“Gender questioning” is a term becoming increasingly common, and many kids do question their gender — including cis kids. A cis girl might wonder what it would feel like to be a boy. A boy might wonder what it would feel like to be a girl. Kind of in the same way anyone might idly wonder what it would be like to be a grasshopper or a house cat. An interesting thought experiment.

That’s not what trans kids are experiencing. I know because I was one, though I didn’t have the language for it at the time.

Trans kids often know the gender that has been assigned to them doesn’t fit. They may say, “I think I’m a girl, not a boy.” They may ask, “Why can’t I grow up to be a boy instead of a girl? I don’t feel like a girl.” They may express a deep discomfort with being misunderstood, for being seen as someone they’re not.

It takes enormous courage for a child to say these things. The cultural messages surrounding gender divisions are everywhere: in families, schools, media, advertising, clothing isles, toy sections, sports teams, and nearly every other facet of daily life. When a child bravely tells someone, “I’m not who you think I am,” they are sharing something incredibly vulnerable. 

We’ve learned to soften our language because we understand the risks. We say, “I think,” “maybe,” “I might be,” “it could be true,” because we are testing whether you are a person we can be safe with, but we know. We know.

The language of “gender questioning” is a way for adults to avoid confronting the possibility that their child is transgender. Other terms are even more egregious, such as “gender independent,” a phrase used by a trans healthcare provider in Ontario, but apparently nowhere else. 

If the correct term is used instead, they must confront the idea that their child is or might be transgender, they will have to acknowledge that supporting their child will require them to learn, adapt, and challenge their own assumptions. 

Children can be trans. This should not be controversial.

Acknowledging that a child is transgender means listening to them and taking their experiences seriously. 

Erasure begins with language. When we avoid naming trans kids, we make it easier to deny their experiences and ignore their needs. Trans kids deserve to be recognized for who they are.

If we cannot acknowledge that trans kids exist, we cannot create the world they need to thrive.

Support trans kids

In the wake of increasing anti-trans legislation and policies put in place in the US and the UK, suicidality among transgender youth has skyrocketed.

Research has consistently shown that transgender people experience disproportionately high rates of suicidal ideation and suicide attempts, with trans kids facing even greater risks. This is not because they are transgender, but rather because trans people face high rates of stigma, discrimination, rejection, and barriers to care throughout their lives. The cumulative effects of misgendering, harassment, exclusion, and lack of support have devastating consequences. But suicidality is not inevitable. 

Supportive environments, including acceptance from peers and family, a sense of belonging at school, and especially access to gender-affirming healthcare, can significantly increase mental health outcomes for trans youth.

For trans kids to make it into adulthood, they need support. In order to provide that support, we need to acknowledge that trans kids are who they say they are.

Trans kids are not confused. They are not a political issue to be debated. When they are met with love, support, and the healthcare they need, trans kids can thrive. And they deserve the chance to do so.

References

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About the Author: Nico

Nico Mara-McKay (they/iel) is a historian, writer, editor, and occasional curator whose work focuses on histories of gender and sexuality through lenses of embodiment and identity. They write about queer and trans history, culture, and community at nicomaramckay.com and ephemeralrecord.com, and share updates on Bluesky @nicomaramckay.com.

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